OPINION: Who am I?

Spring is here and I’m reminded this is my second year at the Creston News Advertiser. Since joining the news team on March 3, 2024, and as of March 17, 2025, I’ve written 137 articles, 52 columns (not including this one) and five major features for our seasonal magazines. This doesn’t include a few attempted stories - I can count them on my fingers and toes - where I couldn’t get the sources I wanted or ran out of time.

Those 52 columns are interesting to me. It’s actually a lot of fun for me to reread myself; I’m a fairly self-critical person. I built my column to talk about movies, the one thing I feel qualified to talk about professionally. When I used to go regularly to theaters, it felt exciting to bring a movie back with me and introduce it to a new audience.

But, this approach isn’t audience-facing. I’m sure no one is like me and went to Des Moines every week to watch movies. And, I’m sure the local theaters rarely provided the movies I praised. When I talk about movies like “Didi,” “Sing Sing” or “Queer,” I knew how it would be difficult for the audience I write for to access these movies.

I have no qualms with local theaters; they need to survive through their audiences. I’m sure if my curations of unknown indie movies were the selections they would certainly die. So, why even talk about movies?

It’s a question I’ve wrestled with over this past year. My love for this hobby, this medium, doesn’t justify the continued punting every week. I write passionately and I’m proud of my columns, but is it really the best use of the space I’m given?

What would I write about instead? Well, I’m a staunchly liberal person, could you tell by my love of the arts? If I were to go the politics route, I’d certainly have a lot to talk about. But, I’m just as exhausted by continued political discourse as most people. I don’t think Trump is a good president, but I can’t convince myself to say it for weeks on-end.

My column is on a print day now, which means more to me as a writer. It’s a guarantee that people will at least glance at my column on Tuesdays. So, with a wider audience, shouldn’t I be writing about something which will affect more people? How could I selfishly claim this spot and write about something as unimportant as movies?

I also feel like writing about myself would only exhaust me if it were to be continuous. I don’t see myself as exciting, so any writing about myself turns into a trial. How did we get here, how do I persecute myself and how do I redeem my own existence? I can’t do it every week.

I think I can be a funny writer at times which could make commentary feel more lively. I don’t have hope in making it as a comedian; I think the world has had enough of self-deprecation. I had a smile on my face imagining what it might look like if I were to spend each week talking about sports teams. I would get kicked out of all U.S. sporting conversation if I said my favorite MLB team was the Toronto Blue Jays.

Changing this column would be changing primarily how I want to present myself. I love the movies, but being labeled as “the movie guy” has always been awkward. It’s just one of the things I like to do, not something I’d say is my identity. My interests are mostly incompatible with my audience; how likely is it for anyone in Creston to have also watched the Formula One Australian Grand Prix this weekend?

My hobbies aren’t productive; I’m no carpenter or craftsman. But, do my hobbies define who I am as well? I do like performing in theater, but with the increased duties I’ve picked up for the CNA, I’ve had a dreadful feeling I might have to give that up too.

It’s hard to declare and say “who am I?” because I feel like it’s not my place to decide. Sure, I’m a news reporter, but it’s just one aspect, one part. I’d describe my personality as nervous, giggly and quiet, all traits which contradict each other. If I choose to present myself one way, how can I live as my own walking contradiction?

Maybe movies are just easier to talk about.