OPINION: The goods and bads of moviegoing, and why none of them matter

I watch a bit more movies than an average person, and in just the last few months I’ve been to a wide variety of theaters in Iowa alone. Movies are unique, especially today, because they’re fairly transferrable from venue to venue.

Despite passionate criticisms from filmmakers like David Lynch (“If you’re playing the movie on a telephone, you will never in a trillion years experience the film”), people do watch a fair amount of visual media on their phones. But, there’s also larger tablets and laptops; I even remember a time when some movies were playable on handheld video game devices like the PSP and GameBoy Advance.

A few months ago, I set up a projector in my apartment. On top of several cardboard boxes and projecting onto a 100m projector screen screwed into the wall, it was one of my more impulsive purchases. The video quality isn’t great, and I don’t have a sound system set up so I listen to the movie with headphones, but it gets the job done.

Besides the living room projector, I also have a TV in my bedroom. I plug earbuds into my remote, and lie down in bed to watch movies before sleep, or right after I wake up. Predictably, I sometimes fall asleep and cut the movie short, picking up where I left off later.

With a few friends I made in college, I participate in a weekly online movie night. One of us is the “host,” who streams the movie privately between us (we looked this up, it’s not piracy unless we advertise or sell tickets to it). Once again, the video and audio quality is broken up by internet compression, but the chance to talk in a call can change the moviewatching experience.

The other day, and I won’t mention the name of this theater because I frequently attend showings and I’d hate to harm reputation, I was in a Des Moines theater. As I was sitting down, I noticed a hint of something unpleasant. It smelled like lingering vomit, but mixing with chlorine and cleaning supplies. I got up and switched seats to the opposite corner of the theater, where the smell was less oppressive. I could have easily skipped the whole show, but the movie was under 90 minutes and I powered through it anyway.

The point I’m trying to make here is the way we watch movies can vary, and it’s frequently less-than-ideal. But, it often doesn’t have anything to do with the quality of the movie itself.

My ideal theater would begin with my wonderful chocolate-colored recliner from home placed in the dead-center of a theater with around 80 seats. The seats on my left and right would be empty, so I could lay claim to both armrests. But, the rest of the theater would be full, so I can see and hear the reactions from fellow moviegoers.

Sound is tricky, but I would at least like to feel the bass of sounds and music in my seat (after seeing “Furiosa” in theaters and feeling the rumbling of engines in my rear, it’s a one-of-a-kind experience). The screen just needs to be bright and big enough to go from wall-to-wall.

I bring a blanket to theaters, not because I need to catch some rest while slogging through some of the more boring movies (although last weekend I did genuinely fall asleep for the first time watching the inebriatingly dull “Kraven the Hunter.” Luckily I was alone in the theater so no one could hear me snore for those embarrassing two minutes), but because I like feeling cozy.

To wrap around to my point, it’s impossible to be perfect. My recliner will never be in a theater, no matter how much effort I put into transporting it and trying to explain how not crazy I am to theater employees. I’ve seen plenty of movies that are in my top 10 of the year which I saw under less-than-ideal conditions.

If there is belief in the quality of the movies themselves, then how we watch them doesn’t matter. Whether alone or with friends or with strangers. Whether with a portion of the screen missing. Whether the movie stutters and skips. Whether the theater lights forget to turn off.

On Monday, I was visiting family and went to see a movie with my sister in a theater I had never been to.

Two things happened in this theater, two things which I had never seen before. The first, the movie started right on time at 4 p.m. The second, when the movie ended, the audience applauded.

It reminded me how much love there is for the movies, and how much there always will be.