Time for a change

Since I started at the CNA in 2022, I’ve run a (mostly) weekly Read Head column on Thursdays. The play on words fit me just right as a woman with red hair and a passion for reading.

Over the past several months, Read Head has no longer felt like it embodied what I want to write about. It doesn’t help that I no longer have the red hair that inspired the name.

When I think about what this space has meant for me and to my readers, I realize it’s about transparency. There have been multiple times I’ve submitted a column to our editor John Van Nostrand and he returned with a raised eyebrow asking if I’m sure I’m comfortable sharing these details of my life.

I’ve always found putting my thoughts, specifically my troubles, into words to be therapeutic. I’ve always described myself as “an open book.” It inspired a new column identity. An Open Book better describes the two things I most like to do in this space — talk about books and talk about “taboo” or stigmatized topics.

In this space I’ve talked about my experiences with menstruation, miscarriages, IVF, childhood trauma, mental illness and more. I’ve had numerous people reach out to say they’ve shared some of my experiences.

I hope my words help tear down walls that make people feel like they aren’t allowed to talk openly about these topics. However, I acknowledge that for some people, keeping these painful or difficult moments private is what they feel most comfortable with.

This year has been the most difficult of my life. I have been undergoing in-vitro fertilization since January with only six weeks off. During those six weeks, my body was undergoing and recovering from my second miscarriage.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped caring about keeping my struggles to myself. Of course I had shared with friends, but now I’ll tell a stranger on the street that I need to hurry home to get my nightly shot in the butt.

For the most part, I’ve found people to be really receptive to hear what I’m willing to share (which is pretty much all of it). I was ashamed of the stretch marks that mar my stomach from the first round of IVF, but now I show them as a battle scar. Don’t get me wrong, my self-esteem has never been lower than it is while on all these hormones, but I’m working toward a better place.

It genuinely has helped me when people ask questions about what I’m going through. I love explaining to people how IVF works and how it impacts the human body. It’s also put me in a position to be able to speak firsthand about how important it is to have women’s rights fought for in legislature. While I may be an open book about my medical reproductive journey, I’m not a child to be commanded one way or another by men in government.

I hope to one day soon share a pregnancy journey and then a trip into motherhood with you all. I am happy to say I see a lot more women comfortable talking about the struggles associated with these aspects of life.

When I was young, I often felt like I didn’t have a voice in my corner. For many years, I had a hard time sticking up for myself. If you know me now, you wouldn’t be able to imagine a Cheyenne who doesn’t stand up for herself.

Now, standing up for others (and myself) is something I pride myself on. If you’ve been taken advantage of by a business and you don’t feel comfortable calling and asking for it to be rectified, I’ll call in on your behalf. But I’m also not sending back food at a restaurant, ever. It’s just a millennial thing.

I’d love for this to be a collaborative space. If you want me to talk about a specific topic, send me an email about it. If you want to share your story because you think it may help others, I can share it here with or without your name. Think of “An Open Book” as a place where everyone is welcome and we shy away from nothing.