Creston native walks in New York Fashion Week

I walked as a runway model in New York Fashion Week and to my surprise, I killed it.

Let’s be honest, if you know me, you’ve probably never heard me described as graceful. In fact my mom and I used to joke that I was her little linebacker. I’ve been the same height and weight since eighth grade. I didn’t get the high school nickname Big Murph from playing small.

I started lifting weights in middle school and loved lifting heavy. I wore baggy I Love Jesus T-shirts over my swimsuit so I could hide even while I was at the lake. The summer of sixth grade I did Billy Blanks Tae Bo every day in hopes of shedding my weights. I starved myself in high school, ate cold grilled chicken on the bus after volleyball games while my teammates enjoyed McDonald’s and I took diet pills. All in hopes of losing a few pounds. And yet, I never lost weight.

In college I learned about nutrition and creating a healthy relationship with food. I was crushed when an advisor told me I should think about a different career-maybe behind the camera since I was a “big girl.” And yet, I chose an industry that’s in large part based on physical appearance which some viewers didn’t hold their tongue for their distain of a broad shouldered, cornfed Iowa gal delivering the news.

All of that to say, on that runway, I felt stunning as I strutted by the brights lights, dozens of photographers and an audience packed with fashion influences armed with their camera phones.

As I got ready Saturday morning in a crowded Manhattan loft above a bougie restaurant, I felt so out of my element. Dozens of 6-foot tall girls in their early 20s with waists the size of one of my arms packed into a space too small for that many people as makeup artists worked their magic and hair spray cans whooshed. Momentarily, I got imposter syndrome. For about 30 seconds, dozens of negative thoughts swirled in my head. I realized what I was doing and why I was there. The designer I’m wearing choose me. She sewed a dress to fit my body like a glove and I got this.

Moments before taking the stage, I said a final prayer, the music hit, the stage manager cued me and it was my time to shine. I was so nervous. As ironic as it sounds, I don’t like to draw attention to myself. When I’m on camera, I think about my friends watching and I’m simply telling them what happened in the news today.

To my surprise, I freaking rocked that stage and as an even bigger surprise, multiple people came up to me after to tell me how graceful, stunning, calm I looked, unbelieving when I told them this was my first time on the catwalk.

Sunday was another show in a new location and the opportunity to walk for another designer if we were chosen. I showed up and again to my surprise, I was chosen to walk for three designers. One of them didn’t work out though as my hands were too large to fit the gloves. I looked at the hip Houston designer, shrugged my shoulders and said, “Well, that’s what happens when you can palm a basketball.” We all laughed and I went to change.

Why am I sharing this vulnerability? Because for years I thought I was fat. For years I struggled with my self-image, constantly hopeful I could be one of those skinny girls. I look back at pictures and realize I wasted so much time and so much headspace with that stinking thinking. Time I’ll never be able to get back.

Friends, be healthy in mind, body and spirit. Please don’t throw away years ruining your metabolism yo-yo dieting, not going to pool parties, social events and other activities because you’re on a restriction diet or because you don’t want to be seen in a swimsuit.

You are enough.

Next edition, a deep dive into the absolutely stunning girls (all working models) I made fast friends with while we were in hair and makeup and more from my experience backstage at NYFW.